Motherhood Does Have Its Rewards

As appeared in the Albuquerque Journal Rio Rancho & Westside sections 05/09/09

With today being Mother's Day eve, I thought it appropriate to strip away the gingham and lace of motherhood and put the truth right out there on the TV trays: Going to the park is boring.

And since we're on the subject of confessions, I have another one: Once, I wiped baby's face with a kitchen sponge! There, after all these years, it feels good to get that off my chest. Go ahead, report me to social services. Besides, it was only once and just on the cheek.

When I was a few weeks away from giving birth to my first daughter 16 years ago, I can still recall an anxious phone conversation I had with my sister, a new mother herself. She was filling me in on how demanding a newborn could be, and I protested that I didn't want to be wanted 24 hours a day. Her response? "Too late now." Was that true? Was life as I knew it really going away completely? Ya baby, didn't you get the memo?

Ayelet Waldman's book, "Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace" strips away the righteousness and gives permission to talk about how hard motherhood really is. In other words, it is the conversation you have with your best friend at the kitchen table rather than the phony chit chat with the competitive moms on the sidelines at soccer practice. The reality is raising children is hard, and it's OK to say so. That is unless you are the Duggar family with 18 kids. Have you seen that TV show? They all play the violin together, feed each other, and wash each other with perpetual smiles on their faces. You can't tell me life is as perfect as it appears. One of those kids is going to run away and join a Tibetan monastery and live in solitude making beaded necklaces someday.

If the day-to-day life of motherhood isn't hard enough, Salary.com is out with its annual phantom salary of what a stay-at-home or working mother's salary would be if they were paid for gardening, maid, cook and nanny services.

According to the Web site and with calculated inflation, the job of "mother" should pay $122,611. But mothers everywhere know money doesn't compare to the real benefits we reap everyday with our children.

Children bring heartfelt humor and happiness into your life, the kind you cannot experience anywhere else. Like the time I was driving my then 4-year-old to gymnastics practice. Still lacking in the whole time continuum concept, she asked from her booster seat in the back, "When I get old enough to drive, can I drive to gymnastics?" Or the time she woke up one morning and exclaimed "last night was small." Then there is my youngest daughter who, to this day, swears I told her corn comes from monkeys (she is 10). She is also the one who once asked me the pointed question from the back seat of the car if the windshield wipers were on the inside or outside. Priceless.

To all the mothers who feel like they are treading water in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight, hang in there. Be proud of yourselves. It is hard to see now, but you will be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams for the hard work you are doing today. Like on your child's first day of kindergarten, she might turn to you and say, "I wish I was alive when you were a little girl so we could go to school together."

Pass the hankie and have a wonderful Mother's Day.

Father's Day is June 21. Spread the wisdom and send me the best fatherly advice you ever gave or received.

Quote of the Week: "Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs ... since the payment is pure love." — Mildred B. Vermont