Signs of the Rapture Growing in My Front Yard

As appeared in the Albuquerque Journal Rio Rancho section Sat, May 21, 2011

I hate to be the bearer of bad news — and unless you live under a rock, I am sure this won’t be the first time you hear it — but reports are the world will be ending today at 6 p.m.

At least according to Harold Camping, a pastor out of Oakland, Calif., who is scaring the bejeezus out of people by suggesting they better say their goodbyes and eat all the food in their refrigerators because they will soon be going away for a very long time.

Camping is an 89-year-old retired civil engineer who founded Family Radio Worldwide, an independent ministry that has broadcast his prediction around the world. He says Jesus Christ will return to earth today, May 21, to gather the faithful into heaven. Most Christians aren’t buying it, but I still wonder, does this mean I don’t have to pay May’s electric bill?

As you can imagine, people are finding ways to capitalize on poor innocent souls who believe the apocalyptic prediction. Bart Centre, an atheist from New Hampshire, started Eternal Earth-bound Pets in 2009. He offers insurance for $135 to take care of your pets after the Rapture. I don’t see the need. I thought all dogs go to heaven.

The Rapture, the belief that Christ will bring the faithful into paradise before a period of tribulation on earth that precedes the end of time, is quite a daunting concept, one that is hard to grasp. But for the last two weeks, I’ve been watching signs of the Rapture in my own front yard, and according to the Internet, the end is definitely imminent. My big beautiful agave has been growing its life-ending flower stalk, and I’m not kidding, it grows by the hour. It’s now 6 feet tall. We are the talk of the neighborhood.

“I’ve never seen anything like that,” I heard one neighbor say as she passed the house on her morning walk. Another walker joined her and chimed in with her bewilderment. Then another. I finally looked out the window and there were five people and three dogs all staring at Jennifer and the Beanstalk’s beanstalk.

Watching this thing grow literally inches every day is exciting, I have to admit. But its pending demise is bittersweet to say the least. Agaves bloom once in their lifetime, usually between year seven and 40. I know my house was built about 12 years ago, but I am not sure when the agave went in. All I know is there are numerous babies that have popped up in my yard on their own, and two neighbors adopted one baby each in their yards. She’s done her duty, and now her Rapture has come. Sounds a little like Charlotte’s Web revisited, I would say.

“An agave plant will divert its energy resources into producing a towering flowering stalk at the expense of its life,” according to fireflyforest.net.

Yes, it’s my agave’s last big hurrah, and that makes me sad. Not to mention it will leave a big hole in my front yard. And how am I supposed to get a cactus the size of a baby rhino to the dump in my Nissan Altima?

I am not sure of the agave’s Rapture, but personally, I think we will be OK.

I’ve made plans for next week and will pay my electric bill on time. But just in case, we better clean our houses, do all of our laundry and wear our best underwear today. See you next week.

Quote of the Week: “Due to the lack of experienced trumpeters, the end of the world has been postponed for three weeks.” — Author unknown.

Some Advice For The Class of 2011

As appeared in the Albuquerque Journal Rio Rancho section May 14, 2011

It’s that time of year again, graduation time for high school seniors, undergraduates and grad students. Both Rio Rancho high schools will be graduating their seniors this coming week. This will be V. Sue Cleveland High School’s inaugural graduating class.

There are many people who are celebrating the closing of one chapter in their lives and the opening of a new and exciting one. A new chapter filled with uncertainty, confusion, excitement and joy.

At this major crossroads in their lives, we try to give our children the best advice possible and hope they listen. Advice that will ease their stress, give them hope and point them in the right direction.

For me, it was the poem titled “Don’t Quit,” that my dad introduced me to back in the ’70s, which has given me strength throughout my life.

Since one person doesn’t have all of the answers, I asked some people if they would share their best advice for the graduating Class of 2011

“Never be afraid to doubt and to question. It can be summed up in the enlightenment motto: sapere aude — dare to be wise.” — Kurt Schmidt, director of bands, Rio Rancho High School.

“My best advice came from my dad, who always said, ‘If it was easy everyone would do it.’ He followed this up by a lecture about hard work, perseverance and goal setting for life.” — Scott Affentranger, principal, V. Sue Cleveland High School.

“Congratulations, now keep going! You’re not finished. When you wait to go to college you become a lazy radio guy who needs to finish his degree.”— Donnie Chase of “The Jackie, Tony & Donnie Show” on 100.3 the Peak.

“Don’t be afraid to fail. The world’s most successful people have failed before, and you will too … at times. When it happens, learn your lesson, get up as soon as possible, dust yourself off … and try again. You are never ‘a failure’ unless you give up. Do your very best, and life will take care of the rest.” — Steve Stucker, KOB-TV co-anchor and weatherman.

“The world we live in is only as good as we make it. Use the momentum of receiving your degree to propel you to reach your potential. By doing this, you will inspire others and have a lasting, positive impact.” — Mayor of Rio Rancho Thomas E. Swisstack.

“Follow your dreams with passion, commitment and vision.” — Debbi Moore, president and CEO, Rio Rancho Regional Chamber of Commerce.

“Don’t just work for a job. Discover over the next several years what you are passionate about. Dream a little. What would you really enjoy doing? You’ll be happier and more productive there.” — Don Schlicte, president, Rio Rancho Public Schools board.

“ ‘Do today what others won’t do, so that tomorrow you can do what others can’t do.’ I don’t know where this quote originated but it’s a motto I lived by even before I heard it. Sometimes hard work doesn’t seem that fun at the time, but there comes a time when it pays off.” — Jimmy Wagner of Wagner Farms, Corrales.

“Know yourself and always be true to yourself. Develop high ethical and moral standards, and do not allow your integrity to be questioned.” — Beth Miller, interim executive director of Rio Rancho operations, UNM West.

I dedicate this column to my firstborn who will be graduating from Rio Rancho High School next Thursday. I love you, Lili. As always, you make me so proud.

Quote of the Week: “And you never can tell how close you are. It may be near when it seems so far. So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit. It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.”—– “Don’t Quit,” author unknown.

The Perfect Mother

As appeared in the Albuquerque Journal Rio Rancho section 5/7/11

There is nothing like looking through the Mother’s Day cards rack at the store to realize just how many different types of mothers there are in the world. Each one unique and perfect in their own way, with strong points in areas when you most need them.
What would it be like if you could take all of the best traits and build the perfect mother, one that takes a little from here and a smidge from there and voila- the perfect mother?
To start, I would add one cup of Martha Stewart for her epicurean abilities and knowing her way around a kitchen. I would love to eat pork chops with tomato chutney, and I know some of her cooking can get a little rich. My mother runs a close second with her Fisherman’s Stew with Crunchy (undercooked) Carrots, or Sweet and Sour Tuna Fish; canned tuna, no kidding.
When it comes to house cleaning, what better than to add a smidge of Hazel, the attentive maid in the light blue uniform from the 60s TV series of the same name? Technically, I don’t think Hazel was a mother, but she was a female presence in the Baxter home. The house was always spotless, her attitude perky and not a hair out of place or a spot on her apron.
I’ll take a half cup of Jane Jetson from the cartoon series for her fashion and shopping expertise. If you remember correctly, her favorite store was Mooning Dales and Jane could squeak money out of George like a pro. Jane and daughter Judy wore all the latest trends and used the latest gadgets at home.
For night time story telling, I will take 2 cups of Erma Bombeck, America’s humorist and newspaper columnist from the 80s and 90s who was able to find the funny in everyday life. From “Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart,” to “The grass is always greener over the septic tank," Erma was a great story teller. Having published 4,000 newspaper columns and 15 books throughout her career, it would be a joy listening to her.

Add a pinch of Shirley Partridge for any musical assistance and a dash of Samantha Stevens from Bewitched. She can twitch her nose and get you out of any situation.

I know my kids like me just the way I am. And one way they show it is by the note they put on our refrigerator of something I once said. Is it an endearing, “I love you, honey?” Or an inspirational, motivating quote that makes them feel so loved? No. It seems that I said something so prolific when I was on ebay one time searching for a particular item for the bathroom, that they couldn’t let it go unnoticed. So, held tightly to our freezer door with a lady bug magnet is my captivating quote for all to see, “All the good toilet seats are in Europe.”

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you wonderfully unique women.

Quote of the Week: “You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.” - William D. Tammeus, journalist.

Treasures at Resale Shop Aid Animals

As appeared in the Albuquerque Journal Rio Rancho section Sat, Apr 30, 2011

How much is that doggie in the window? And that window? And that window?

Where could I possibly be, you ask?

Well, I am not shopping for another dog — two is plenty for me. I’m looking for a bargain treasure in Rio Rancho.

Give up yet?

Going to the Dogs (and Cats) is Watermelon Mountain Ranch’s newest venture, a resale shop and pet adoption center located in northern Rio Rancho at the former Petland location. They opened their doors just last week and, by all accounts, it’s already a huge success.
I dropped by Going to the Dogs (and Cats) last Thursday to see what new treasures I could find and the place was packed with people who had the same idea as I did. I was sure I could find a Depression glass vase or a little oriental rug for the entry way, so away I went scouring the aisles.
Walking through the store, it is impossible to not say hello to the puppies in the windows. What a perfect fit for Watermelon Mountain Ranch, the state’s largest no-kill animal shelter to move right into this location already built to display puppies and dogs. Someone even had a pooch in one of the socialization pens getting to know their new best friend.
Manager Terri White and volunteers staff the shop seven days a week, taking in donations and selling the trinkets and treasures at a steal.
“The inventory is always rotating,” White said. “We just got in a sleigh bed and more beautiful jewelry. You can be sure to find something new every time you come in.”
As I walked through the shop, I found items on the lower end of the price range, kitchen glasses and such for less than $2. Then there are beautiful antiques priced higher than what you would find at a thrift shop, yet much lower than your typical antique shop.
“We are so excited about this new venture,” said Sophia DiClemente, co-founder of Watermelon Mountain Ranch. “The sluggish economy has really hit the ranch hard. The animals keep coming, but the donations have dropped off. With the shop, we are able to showcase our animals conveniently for the public, and generate income though the resale shop.”
On this particular day, the kennels were full with extra friendly puppies fresh off the van from the Las Cruces shelter. “These guys were on the euthanasia list,” DiClemente said. “Now they have the chance to find loving homes. And as cute as they are, they won’t be with us long.”
Watermelon is helping the city’s shelter pets find homes as well. “Rio Rancho Animal Control will be bringing some of their animals here soon,” DiClemente said. “We are so glad we are able to help get their animals adopted too. This location and the set up inside gives potential parents a nice, quiet and clean place to see the dogs and get to know them.”
The store is open Mondays through Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Sundays from noon to 4 p.m.
There’s nothing like second-hand pooches, and second-hand clothes.

Watermelon Mountain Ranch and other rescue and shelters will be participating in the PetSmart National Adoption Weekend at the PetSmart on Coors Bypass in Albuquerque today from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Quote of the Week: “Father has a business strictly second hand. Everything from toothpicks to a baby grand. Stuff in our apartment came from father’s store. Even things I’m wearing someone wore before” — “Second Hand Rose” sung by Barbra Streisand.