As appeared in the Albuquerque Journal, Rio Rancho section 1/23/10
A friend of mine once told me how much she regretted not taking the time to tell her father what he meant to her. He died before she could tell him what a great dad he was and how much she looked up to him. And now he would never know how she felt.
She reminded me that while our parents were alive, we shouldn't miss this most important opportunity to let them know how we feel about them. Not only parents, but friends, siblings and children are also just as significant to be open with.
But some people don't get the chance. Their loved ones pass unexpectedly, contact is lost, or the courage just wasn't there at an opportune time to share our love. There is a chance to say whatever is in your heart to whomever it is on a new Web site, www.wouldhavesaid.com. The site is anonymous and this allows writers to be completely open and honest about their feelings.
Whether the intended person ever hears your words, the mere act of writing a letter is therapeutic. Take the letter from a woman whose husband died in a car accident: She said she wished she'd "laughed at his jokes more."
There is a letter from a 76-year-old woman to the nanny from her childhood in Vienna during the Holocaust.
"I didn't get a chance to tell you how much I admired your courage and appreciated your love. Having contact with Jews was forbidden, and taking a Jewish child into a public place could have resulted in the arrest of everyone in your family as well as dire punishment for yourself. I would very much like to thank you for giving me the only really good memory of my childhood days in Vienna and restoring my faith in humanity."
Rebekah, 31, writes to her elderly grandmother whose mind seems to be slipping away and conversations are fragmented.
"The one question I never had the guts to ask you was if heaven seemed more real the closer you got to it. That is really my one regret. I want to know because I look forward to the day when we are there together. I love you, and I wish this wasn't your foggy reality."
A few of the letters are heartbreaking, like the one from a woman to a former lover who had died. She said she wished she'd written to him while she had the chance because she'd loved him her entire life.
And then there is the letter from 15-year-old Madee she wrote to her father who apparently suffers from something too scary for a young child to talk about.
"I don't really know how to tell you that I don't want to see you because I'm scared of you. I know you wouldn't even understand why I'm scared of you because you don't remember the last time. I wish that this time you'll get treatment."
And sometimes the person you are too proud to confess to is in the bedroom next to you. Luis, 10, wrote to his little sister.
"Amanda, you're very special to me because of your kindness. Like yesterday when there were no Kit Kat candies left and you gave me your own. I feel very thankful for that and I don't say that enough. So thank you for all the things you've done and I love you very much."
Say it now my friends. Tell the people in your life how you really feel. And if you can't tell them, then write it in a letter. Tell them now while you have the chance.
Quote of the week: "Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. Things are gonna be much better if you only will." — "Shower the People" by James Taylor
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